Depression Dealings & Feelings 11/24/15

Breathe in... breathe out... Count to ten... begin again...

There's a lot of ways to deal with anxiety and depression, but not all of them work for everyone. If it's mild enough, I can do the whole 'inhale, exhale' thing, but it doesn't always work. Like, let's take today for instance.
I woke up in a fairly good mood, regardless of waking up so early and dreading babysitting for most of my morning, but all in all, I was in a good mood... keyword: "WAS". As the day progressed, my mind became my worst enemy, and my oldest foe decided to surface and show itself once again, a.k.a. My Depression. I've been struggling with it since I was young, but have always been so good at hiding it and faking that smile and acting like everything was a-okay! But then there are times that I cannot hide it, and I confide in some people, only those who will understand. Very few people understand it... and it's so hard to explain it to them. The best way I can describe depression is the way I described it this morning, when I had shared a picture on my personal Facebook profile. I said the following, and attached this picture to it: "For those who just don't get it. Depression IS a monster. It may not start off that way, but it feeds off of all your insecurities and takes your sadness and twists it, making you feel helpless and weak. Depression is all-consuming and soul-breaking... and it can and will destroy you. To those who tell others who suffer with depression that it's "all in their head" or that they can change the way they feel, shame on you... in doing that... you are only feeding the Monster more..."

And it's true. Depression is a monster, and it WILL consume you if you let it. Unfortunately, sometimes we're just not strong enough and it wins. Like for me... today. I'm stressed about money as I recently lost pay for one of my writing jobs (I'm making $600 less per month now... money that helped pay my rent. Fun fact: I'm still working this job WITHOUT pay in hopes that I can rebuild it and bring traffic back to the website... which in turn led me into doing triple the work I was...), I'm about to start a new job (which gives me hella anxiety as I'll be just a staff writer and I'm used to being an editing manager), I'm dieting, and not seeing results like I think I should, on top of all that, I babysit a TON of kids on top of my two to help make ends meet. I am stressed, and I brought it onto myself... but I do what I have to to pay my bills and keep my family's head above water. 

Bottom line...

Depression is an all-consuming monster, and even though everybody is hard on themselves from time to time, those with depression DESTROY themselves. It's a hard life to cope with, and for years I've kept this to myself, suffering in silence - well no more. If anything, I hope this blog helps others to know they aren't alone, even when they feel they are. There are others who suffer silently, afraid to tell people what's REALLY on their minds. And if your depression is so bad, that you feel like ending your life is the answer... please don't. Just know that suicide hurts those around you that love you, and in the end, you're punishing them. 

There's always bad before the good... just remember that <3

Till next time~

-Introduction-

Have you ever felt alone even though you have people all around you 24/7? Have you ever had this tiny voice in the back of your mind constantly reminding you that you are going to utterly fail no matter what you do? Have you ever been perfectly fine one moment, and then the next minute you begin to panic, chest heaving, mind racing, and growing faint? If any of these pertain to you, then most likely you are somewhat like me perhaps, and suffer from anxiety and depression, and maybe a few other mental disabilities. Keep in mind, this is nothing to be ashamed of... it's part of who you are, and it can't be changed. Medications and therapy can help you cope with it, but these diseases aren't just 'cured'. Like, I cannot stand it when I have having a panic attack or a really bad bout of depression and someone tells me "Oh, you can help it... you're doing this to yourself." Yes, in a way we are doing it to ourselves, but it's not purposely, TRUST ME. I wouldn't wish my anxiety and depression on my worst enemy. There is nothing worse than feeling like a total failure and feeling like you're slowly drowning due to stress and other negative stimuli.
And let me clarify before I go on any further with this blog - I am NOT a trained therapist or psychologist, I am merely just someone who suffers from a few mental ailments and wanted to find n outlet to reach out to others who suffer like myself, and maybe even enlighten those who do not understand it at all. This blog will be about my experiences and the experiences of others that I have gathered over the years. Maybe we can help someone along the way, and maybe we won't, but we won't know until we try!! Hey, even if you (yeah, you reading this ^_^) have a story of your own you'd like to share, just comment below, or feel free to email me at felea0507@hotmail.com and I can share your story here in my blog for the world to read - and you can choose to leave your name of be anonymous... it's your choice <3
Basically, my point with starting this blog is to help others and help others to help others. It sucks to feel like you're all alone and that no one understands how you feel. Feeling like you don't belong and that you're an outsider isn't anything anybody should ever feel. So please, let me help you, and maybe you can even help me in the process. So feel free to email me or leave a comment below! There will be more blogs to come... and we will talk more about mental illnesses and what we can do to help one another and help ourselves.
Peace & love,
Nightingale