Biting the Bullet, pt. 1

You know the saying, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet? It can pertain to a lot of things in life. Just recently, I feel I've been 'biting the bullet' quite a bit. I've undergone a few minor changes, and it's amazing how that in itself can change your perspective on things.
I've quit communicating with a few people who I've been friends with for a couple years due to some rather irrational and obsessive behavior on there part. These are people I should be missing, but I'm just not missing them yet. Since my lack of communication with them, I find myself less negative and annoyed by every little thing. First off, I'm an empath, meaning that I draw my mood and emotions from those around me. Basically, if I'm around someone for a long period of time, be it a few hours or even being in their presence day after day, if they are depressed and/or negative, I start feeling depressed and/or negative, if they are happy, I feel happy. It's a difficult thing to deal with, and sometimes you don't even realize when your energy is being affected by another's. These people (one in particular) I had been friends with for about 3 years, and for me, that's a pretty long time. I am rather anti-social, and I think that is partially due to me being sensitive to others' energies.
I didn't realize how much they were affecting me until just recently, when I quit having day-to-day contact with them. My mind is clearer, I am less negative, I feel as if a huge burden has been lifted, even though I was never privy to there ever being a burden to begin with. It's remarkable, really. I can't believe I never realized what these people were doing to me mentally, I never knew till now, once they were cut off. When I was their friend, I never really saw there negativity until I was standing on the outside looking in from a whole new perspective.
Even though you think you may love someone and think you need them, sometimes they are doing you harm, and you just have to 'bite the bullet' and move on, for both your mental health and for the sake of those around you. They are negative, in turn, making you negative, and by you becoming negative, you could be spreading that on to someone else you may love and care for. Negativity is like a disease, it can be contagious, and will spread rapidly if you allow it to.
I am walking a new path as of now, and days seem a tad brighter than they did before. Granted, this wasn't a cure for my anxiety or depression... those things still remain my cross to bear.
Have you ever had someone in your life that you thought were doing good to you, but turn out they were just hurting you and you didn't even know?

Ways Gaming Can Help When Dealing with Depression

When people feel down and depressed, there are many things they flock to to make themselves feel better. And most of us gamers, well, we go to what we love: Video games. And with the holidays upon us, many of us find ourselves feeling down in the dumps instead of happy and joyous. So this time of year seems like the perfect time to talk about what games one could play to uplift their spirits a bit.

Now everyone is different and everyone copes with depression differently than others, and that also rings true for gamers. Some of us play a game that we know through and through as that calms us, others prefer to take the violent route with hack n' slash types and fighting types, while there are also those of us who go to our sandbox-type of games, such as Animal Crossing, Harvest Moon, and The Sims. So with this knowledge, we have compiled a nice little list of possible games to play when you may be feeling down, that includes a little bit of everything for everyone.

First up let's take the violent-game route! Violent games help some release their frustrations, being able to unleash chaos in a game that, well, would just be illegal to do in the real world. Games that some may want to play when taking this route could be titles such as Grand Theft Auto and Saints Row, or hack n' slash titles such as Devil May Cry and God of War, or fighters like Mortal Kombat and Tekken. Playing games like this immerse you in a world where you can do as you want, and take out your frustrations on who (or what) ever you want. Recent games that you may want to use for this route includes Bloodborne and Mortal Kombat X.

The next type of gaming that one could use to help give them that boost from depression would be sandbox-type games. In these types of games, we literally control pretty much everything around us, which gives us a sense of control in our very hectic lives where we have control over very little. Games in this genre could include Minecraft (Creative Mode), Animal Crossing, The Sims, and technically even Disney Infinity. Being in control and playing a god-like role in the game, uplifts us, making us feel like we're doing something rather constructive in some way, all while having [almost] absolute control on this little world you've created. Some games to play when going this route would be Animal Crossing: New Leaf, The Sims 3 or 4, and of course, Minecraft.

A couple of other ways to cope with feeling down and being depressed are to play games you are familiar with, and games with vast worlds that you can just lose yourself in. Playing a game that you have perhaps beaten countless amounts of times or a game you held dear as a child can make you feel at ease. Since you know the game like the back of your hand, there is zero guess-work involved, and little to know thinking. It's also a nice way to relax when being stressed out. And with titles we cherished as a child, it reminds us of the simpler times in our lives, and that in itself can bring one comfort.

Another way is by playing open-world games with tons of terrain to wander through all while taking on side-quests or main missions, it's really up to you! Games that come to mind for this one would be games such as The Witcher III, Skyrim, The Reckoning: Kingdoms of Amalur, and even RPGs such as the Final Fantasy and Tales of franchises. Not only is it a whole new world for you to explore, but you also get to experience a great story along the way (that is until you get side-tracked by multiple side-quests...). I can't tell you how many times just wandering through the land of Skyrim helped improve my mood.

Just know that if you are feeling down, and are dealing with depression, you're not alone, especially during this holiday season. So if you're a gamer, grab a controller, pop in your favorite game, and relax. It'll get better. So what are some games that you use to help you when you're feeling down? Sound off in the comments below!

Depression Dealings & Feelings 11/24/15

Breathe in... breathe out... Count to ten... begin again...

There's a lot of ways to deal with anxiety and depression, but not all of them work for everyone. If it's mild enough, I can do the whole 'inhale, exhale' thing, but it doesn't always work. Like, let's take today for instance.
I woke up in a fairly good mood, regardless of waking up so early and dreading babysitting for most of my morning, but all in all, I was in a good mood... keyword: "WAS". As the day progressed, my mind became my worst enemy, and my oldest foe decided to surface and show itself once again, a.k.a. My Depression. I've been struggling with it since I was young, but have always been so good at hiding it and faking that smile and acting like everything was a-okay! But then there are times that I cannot hide it, and I confide in some people, only those who will understand. Very few people understand it... and it's so hard to explain it to them. The best way I can describe depression is the way I described it this morning, when I had shared a picture on my personal Facebook profile. I said the following, and attached this picture to it: "For those who just don't get it. Depression IS a monster. It may not start off that way, but it feeds off of all your insecurities and takes your sadness and twists it, making you feel helpless and weak. Depression is all-consuming and soul-breaking... and it can and will destroy you. To those who tell others who suffer with depression that it's "all in their head" or that they can change the way they feel, shame on you... in doing that... you are only feeding the Monster more..."

And it's true. Depression is a monster, and it WILL consume you if you let it. Unfortunately, sometimes we're just not strong enough and it wins. Like for me... today. I'm stressed about money as I recently lost pay for one of my writing jobs (I'm making $600 less per month now... money that helped pay my rent. Fun fact: I'm still working this job WITHOUT pay in hopes that I can rebuild it and bring traffic back to the website... which in turn led me into doing triple the work I was...), I'm about to start a new job (which gives me hella anxiety as I'll be just a staff writer and I'm used to being an editing manager), I'm dieting, and not seeing results like I think I should, on top of all that, I babysit a TON of kids on top of my two to help make ends meet. I am stressed, and I brought it onto myself... but I do what I have to to pay my bills and keep my family's head above water. 

Bottom line...

Depression is an all-consuming monster, and even though everybody is hard on themselves from time to time, those with depression DESTROY themselves. It's a hard life to cope with, and for years I've kept this to myself, suffering in silence - well no more. If anything, I hope this blog helps others to know they aren't alone, even when they feel they are. There are others who suffer silently, afraid to tell people what's REALLY on their minds. And if your depression is so bad, that you feel like ending your life is the answer... please don't. Just know that suicide hurts those around you that love you, and in the end, you're punishing them. 

There's always bad before the good... just remember that <3

Till next time~

10/26/15: Anxiety & Depression at its Finest

I tend to make blogs, then be really bad about keeping up with them. And it's not so much that I don't have the time, but due to other factors, it just seems so hard to do. The point of this blog in particular was to talk about the daily struggles we all deal with as people who suffer from various mental handicaps, such as anxiety and depression, and many others. I have severe anxiety with depression, and those two things right there is what keeps me from writing daily in my blogs. My anxiety affects it in the way of "what if"... "What if I word things wrong?", "What if I ramble and don't get my point across?", "What if people think I'm weird for my way of thinking?"... stuff like that. And as for how my depression affects it is the fact that when you're depressed, you have a severe lack of motivation and feel like it all just isn't worth it. Any one reading this with depression knows what I mean. Be it writing, artwork, cleaning, work, etc., some of us just can't bring ourselves to do certain tasks because of our anxiety and depression. People who have never dealt with any of this will have a hard time understanding why we act the way we do or do the things we do. I've been with my husband for 10 years, and he's still learning to understand my many quirks and qualms.
To those who know how I feel, and are the same as me... just know you're not alone, and we all have harder times than others.
Let's use a recent event in my life to illustrate how my depression is affecting me...
For about the past year or so, I've been the managing editor for a video game website. The job opportunity came at a time when money was needed, so it was not only very welcomed, but a necessity. Well, this past Friday I was informed I would no longer be receiving any income from the website as traffic is next to nothing on the website. Granted, I was only getting paid $600 per month, but that paid a nice chunk of my rent and water.And now that's gone. I'm still the managing editor title, and can still do my gaming journalism as I've always wanted, but now upon my shoulders I have that stress of being down on $600 per month. In my head, I think, "I can't give this up now...I've wanted to make my living as a journalist in the video game industry... I can write more, work harder, and the site will regain its traffic and I'll receive some sort of income again!", but in reality the stress of that monthly lack of money is crushing me, consuming me. It's all I can think of... and it's causing my depression to spiral downwards so much more than normal, and making my anxiety pretty out of hand. Hence, I am hitting a writing-block on my site... I have zero motivation at this point. Even though I'm trying to be positive in thinking that I can still make this website succeed, I feel sad and worthless, and like its failure is my fault (I tend to blame myself whenever anything goes wrong in my life, even if it's out of my hands).
At this point I really don't know what to do with myself, other than take this opportunity to write in this blog and give some insight into the anxiety and depression I am facing right now. I feel hopeless, but deep down I know better. I know I can do this... it'll just take me some time to get back into my groove of feeling like I can accomplish anything... I just need to process through this sludge called 'depression' first...
If you take anything from this, take away the fact that no matter how low you feel and how hopeless life seems... there is always light at the end of the tunnel and a silver lining to that dark cloud. No matter the situation, everything gets better in time. I always stick to the line "Everything happens for a reason", I'm just struggling to figure out why this happened... maybe to light a fire under me to reach out and seek more freelance jobs? Maybe I'll get a better opportunity elsewhere because of it? It's hard to say right now... so I'll just sit in solace and wait for that calm that is promised after the storm.

-Introduction-

Have you ever felt alone even though you have people all around you 24/7? Have you ever had this tiny voice in the back of your mind constantly reminding you that you are going to utterly fail no matter what you do? Have you ever been perfectly fine one moment, and then the next minute you begin to panic, chest heaving, mind racing, and growing faint? If any of these pertain to you, then most likely you are somewhat like me perhaps, and suffer from anxiety and depression, and maybe a few other mental disabilities. Keep in mind, this is nothing to be ashamed of... it's part of who you are, and it can't be changed. Medications and therapy can help you cope with it, but these diseases aren't just 'cured'. Like, I cannot stand it when I have having a panic attack or a really bad bout of depression and someone tells me "Oh, you can help it... you're doing this to yourself." Yes, in a way we are doing it to ourselves, but it's not purposely, TRUST ME. I wouldn't wish my anxiety and depression on my worst enemy. There is nothing worse than feeling like a total failure and feeling like you're slowly drowning due to stress and other negative stimuli.
And let me clarify before I go on any further with this blog - I am NOT a trained therapist or psychologist, I am merely just someone who suffers from a few mental ailments and wanted to find n outlet to reach out to others who suffer like myself, and maybe even enlighten those who do not understand it at all. This blog will be about my experiences and the experiences of others that I have gathered over the years. Maybe we can help someone along the way, and maybe we won't, but we won't know until we try!! Hey, even if you (yeah, you reading this ^_^) have a story of your own you'd like to share, just comment below, or feel free to email me at felea0507@hotmail.com and I can share your story here in my blog for the world to read - and you can choose to leave your name of be anonymous... it's your choice <3
Basically, my point with starting this blog is to help others and help others to help others. It sucks to feel like you're all alone and that no one understands how you feel. Feeling like you don't belong and that you're an outsider isn't anything anybody should ever feel. So please, let me help you, and maybe you can even help me in the process. So feel free to email me or leave a comment below! There will be more blogs to come... and we will talk more about mental illnesses and what we can do to help one another and help ourselves.
Peace & love,
Nightingale